This Story Grew Legs

A recent dig through a box of old photographs uncovered a bit more in memories than I had expected.  It’s funny what we forget over the years yet remember full well once the right triggers are pulled.  Let me preface this story by saying that I grew up in a very fun loving family.  My parents had a sense of humor that kept us kids on our toes all the time.  We had lots of fun with practical jokes as well as quick wit.

In that box of old photos I found a few cassette tapes, unmarked but eager to be played on a tape deck.  Sure enough, the memories flooded back.  You see, I was on my second or third cruise and with all of my sea going experience, began to look at shipboard life with a bit of whimsy at times.  My family and I exchanged taped conversations so we could hear each other’s voices and it was just much more fun than writing letters.  Those tapes often exhibited our humorous exchanges.

Now cockroaches are no surprise on seagoing vessels.  What better place for a family of cockroaches to live than on the mess decks.  And so the story to my family developed.  The roaches were so big that we used to stand on their backs as they transported us through the chow line.  When we’d get cinnamon rolls for breakfast, each sailor at the table would unroll the pastry and count the number of baby roaches lying inside.  Kind of like, roaches-in-a-blanket.  I don’t recall the prize for the most roaches or if there even was one.

Well, the story grew legs, as it were, and recorded a lengthy journey home to the folks in the states.  I knew they’d see the humor in my story.

About a month after sending the tape home, I got a call to meet with the ship’s Captain on the bridge.  I had no idea why as I was not ship’s company but assigned to a squadron.  The officer who relayed the message to me was our legal officer, LTGJ something-or-other.  He felt that I should have some legal counsel present when I met with the Captain so he tagged along on our journey to the bridge. 

We arrived on the bridge; I was in front of the legal officer.  I announced myself and saluted the Captain who then shook my hand while glaring at the LTJG. 

“Who are you?” the Captain barked. 

In a voice that sounded like a cartoon mouse, the JG said, “I’m the squadron legal officer, sir.” 

To which the Captain growled, “I don’t need you here and neither does this sailor.  Go back to your squadron.”  I could hear the legal officer turn behind me, tail between his legs, squealing like a scared puppy all the way down the ladder.

The Captain then turned back to me and in a much less threatening voice invited me to a place on the bridge where we could talk privately.  I still didn’t know what was going on but would soon find out.

“Did you send a letter home to your parents about cockroaches on the ship?”

I grinned, nearly chuckled, and admitted I’d sent a tape home with a rather imaginative story about how roaches live on the ship. 

“Do you know what this story started?” he implored.  “Your mother, after hearing your story, contacted your U.S. Senator in Washington.  The Senate has now opened a congressional investigation into the problem of cockroaches on this ship and they want to know what I am going to do about it.”

My future and my Navy career suddenly became clouded.  I imagined being assigned to the Roach Patrol and spending the rest of my life tracking down those nasty critters to keep the ship clean of roaches.

“So, is there a problem with roaches on the mess decks?” the Captain asked. 

I nodded my head while trying to swallow the lump in my throat. 

“Well, you didn’t need to take the issue beyond the ship.  The next time something like this happens, just come to me and let me know about it.”

That was all he said about the issue I had turned into a major congressional investigation.  With that, we talked informally for a bit and then he dismissed me from the bridge.

Wow, congress was interested in our quality of life on this ship.  I couldn’t believe it.  Incidentally, within a few days, there was a Roach Patrol scouring the mess decks to rid the ship of the roach problem.  On my part, there were no more wild stories about life on the ship. 

I’ll bet you have a good story or two.  This is a great place to share sea stories so write us and share your experiences with the Friends of Historic NAS Alameda audience. 

© 2015 TEMeehan